Senandung buat ibu

gegaris wajah penat, aku terlentang di rerumput padang ilalang, atau lekuk-lekuk perahu, mudik menatap ke hulu, aku tahu di hilir itu pernah kau titip sebuah kucupan, menyerah semua harapan, yang masih setia ku simpan

waktu bagai awan, bawaku menjauh dari harum keringatmu, dengan mata berkaca meninggalkan segala kisah, diantara titisan embun, pada reranting kayu, di dedaunan berselerak yang kusam menunggu

ku tuntut tibanya malam, menadah jemari ke langit kelam, pada saat dedaunan kenangan itu jatuh, gerimis luruh berderai, pada sepatu kayu, di celah-celah batu, pada rekah-rekah tanah dan pada lebaran sebuah sejadah

aku ingin menujumu, lalu ku bawa sekerat rindu, yang terlanjur berselerak, disepanjang garis batas waktu, dimana awan tidak lagi terkandung kelam, dipersimpangan awal dan akhir bicara, diwaktu malaikat menjemput nyawa...

ibu amanlah kau di sana.

mak, boi rindu mak

Hup hup terbang

lelaki kecil sesuku abad memetik gitar, lagunya merengek dan mengadu dan bertanya, pada arak awan, pada sejarah yang seronok, pada ingatan yang terkoyak, pada kasih sedalam lautan, seluas jagat raya, bersama kitab mati yang ditulis oleh jari-jari penat, kemana semuanya itu beredar?

bisik pada alam, mendesah perlahan mengumam bismillah, sepuluh jari tersusun menadah semesta, selepas lelah di padang pemburuan luka, menunggu dewa kama mengetuk pintu langit di satu kala, menunggu jalur-jalur mimpi berselirat meraih hamparan pelangi, berwarna terang, tenang, agar tidak lagi bertemu kusam dan kelam.

bawa lelaki kecil itu pada tempat hadirnya bahagia, mencipta sejarah yang seronok, menampal kembali impian yang terkoyak, layang bersaing cinta agung, dengan namaNya yang satu, bersama titah yang Dia mahu

ekstasi

tinggal dalam dunia dewa dan dewi, terbang dibentangan pelangi, dimana surgawi berwarna-warni, hingga aku lupakan hari, dan semua ini bagai ekstasi, membuat lupa diri, membuat terus ingin berlari, berkhayal dalam kotak imaji

oh oh...matahari tiba menjemput pagi, tersentap kasar dari dunia dewa dan dewi, tiada lagi terbang dibentangi pelangi, saatnya untuk pulang kembali

namun...
aku ketagih...aku ingin terus bermimpi, ingin merasakan lagi dan lagi...

Hati kacau

kata hati, ruang hati, ada hati, buka hati, isi hati, suara hati, selimut hati, jaga hati, pelita hati, lembut hati, pujaan hati, suka hati, geli hati, luahan hati, mata hati, senang hati, cinta hati

kemudian...

rahsia hati, jemu hati, berubah hati, tawar hati, busuk hati, iri hati, kecil hati, makan hati, sakit hati, patah hati, susah hati, hari-hari

tak puas hati? pergi lah mati

Tiada Judul

hanya aku saja disini...dalam belaian manja sebuah ilusi..

Menggarami Burung Terbang

Tidur, cintaku, tidurlah tenang. Ingin kubisikkan ke mimpimu kisah dari seserpih waktu, tentang sebuah dusun yang dijiwai puisi sesuntuk hari. Tidur, ya, tidur. Bayangkan dirimu berbaring telentang di tanah lapang, diatas rerumputan, tengadah ke bintang-bintang. Pandangilah seksama serakan merjan nun jauh diangkasa kelam, tatap dan jangan dulu mengerjap, biarkan serbuk cahayanya mengendap di genangan malam, mengendap ke matamu yang menyimpan kilau danau berpalung dalam, lalu katupkan pelupukmu perlahan. Biarkan bencah-bencah cahaya itu melindap bagai kenangan, meresap ke serat-serat sanubari dan bemerkahan sebagai kelopak-kelopak mimpi.

Suatu waktu nanti, ketika aku dan kau sudah tak ada lagi, kisah yang kusampaikan padamu ini akan tinggal abadi. Gemanya akan terus ditimang angkasa yang tenang, lalu kata demi kata akan turun dalam setiap pundi embun, disaring halimun, diresapkan ke daun-daun, ke batang-batang pohonan, ke akar-akar ke tanah ke batu-batu, dan terajut pada setiap helai lumut. Dan manakala kisaran sang waktu sampai di satu noktah, dimana bertemu awal dan akhir langkah, kisah ini akan bersemi kembali, kelak ditemu anak-cucu dalam bentuknya yang baru. Dan akan selalu begitu cintaku. Selalu.

Menggarami Burung Terbang
-Sitok Srengenge-

aKu?

ingat lagi aku?nama aku bayu

tergopoh gopoh merakit dunia, melayang layang membunuh waktu, kepalkan jari menangkap awan, ingin menjemputmu terbang - aku tahu sulit kau lakukan, maaf

membuat aku sedar, ternyata aku bukan siapa siapa
nama aku bayu, aku cuba lepas dan senang.

Filem malam

amish

kenyataan selalu disana, tapi hati mengapa meminta? keinginan timbul tak menentu, mengalahkan apa yang telah tentu. terus teriak dalam hati, pikir pikir pikir sampe mati? ini ruang depresi diri, disini tempat ku cuba berdiri

haha.. filem malam hari, hanya malam dini saja waktu kuberlari...

Menjadi penunggu menjemput sinarnya pagi

Kurniakan ku kekuatan, aku perlukan pit-stop, berhenti sekejap mengisi diri, bangun malamku sudah lama terabai, lantaran lambatnya tidur menjemput mimpi, zalimnya aku, tidak tertunai apa yang berhak, ke mana aku saat mereka memerlukan aku, ke mana aku saat mereka mencari-cari penunjuk jalan ni, aku ingin berhenti sekejap, ingin mengisi ruang yang kosong, ingin merasai lagi indahnya tenang, ingin kembali mendengar penyelesaian, ingin merasai semula kasih dan belas, ingin merasai semula nikmatnya berbalas kata indah denganMu, kembalikan lah.. kembalikan ya Allah.. andai aku jauh dariMU dekatkanlah..

terimalah ya Allah semana mampu yang ku beri asal saja aku bisa kembali kesitu..

Sesunyi

Ku tuntut tibanya malam, kerna indahnya milikku

Tiada ku tahu, di malam sesunyi ini
terbuka jalan seluas dunia...

...

"ilahi lastu lil firdausi ahlaa
wa laa aqwa 'alaa naaril jahiimi
fahabli taubataw waghfir dzunuubi
fa innaka ghofirudz dzam bil 'adzhiimi..."

ya Allah, jangan biarkan aku terpisah, terjerat dalam pusaran rindu rahasia kasih-Mu... - Pek Thong

Bawa Ku Terbang 2

pic by simplyiyo

Aku ingin lari dari rumitnya dunia

Anima ligat menari dalam minda separasedar, mengejek-ejek, keliling hati dengan gelak tawa. Suntik pati erotis dalam pemikiran untuk terus khayal. Perlu cuti dan lari sekejap dari semua ini. Selepas hari ini mungkin aku jadi orang lain, noktah atau koma? entah.
-RashidNazri

Bawa Ku Terbang

It takes someone like him to make me realize that I'm somehow far from being ready. 1k miles far off from being close to that. Can't really help it to feel a bit inferior if i put myself side by side for comparisons. There's nothing much i can really give. Let alone happiness.

I tried to pick myself up and be happy, but no matter how strong the urge to move on, terkadang berkaca gak mata nih. hehehe yeah i know, lame excuse for a 29 year old sissy. My head just keep on asking the same stupid questions over and over again; What did i ever do to deserve this? I spent each and every waking hour figuring out why. A numbing experience to go thru.

I earned my living capturing beautiful moments of married couples. I asked them to smile, choreograph them in posing in a very lovable manner and I never fail to project the intimacy and the love that they have with my camera if would say so myself :P . But somehow, my happiness is far from getting there. Just as elusive. It's an ironic twist of a sick joke that God have installed for me i think. I guess i have to settle with that for now :)

I prayed silently to have the chance to see her smile once again, but I guess as it turns out, not with the one I'm betting at. I'm bitting more than I could chew this time around. :)

She's a wonderful girl, bubbly and beautiful. For that obvious reasons, I think she'll be better off without me dragging her down. She deserve someone far better than what I could ever be. There's something wrong about me I guess. Maybe I can be happy if I keep on telling myself that over and over again. Just be safe hunny, It's really good to know that you're doing fine. I'm happy for you and take good care aite.

angin, bawa ku terbang

Chasing butterflies...Aren't we all???

Long before, as they may call ancient history, I have been happy being alone, free and unattached. Never did I imagined that I will try to denounce my declaration of independence and slid under a two-way autonomy they may call as relationship. Yah, I did. But what I forgot was to imagine that they never last until eternity. At least not in my so-called 'life'.

And I never have seen it coming. Because I was blinded by dreams so beautiful that i prohibit myself from waking up. So blind that the rays of brightest sun cannot penetrate the corners of my eyes. But I never regretted following my heart in any way. It’s just that I gave too much, but was given back too little. And too late, I never reclaimed what was truly mine. Until I broke away and found solitude in singularity again.

I have a bad feeling because I was nearly independent to the bosoms of that relationship. To what we call intimacy, I gave everything and never felt fear of losing myself in the process of giving. I guess I just truly love when I know I’d be loved back truly. Seriously, I’m beginning to pick up the pieces that were shattered as we bid each other goodbye.

I know I’m not doing well this time. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not that too pessimistic about life. Maybe someday, as frens would belt up, someone will love me the way I wanted someone to need me. Maybe someday, someone will take that empty slot. And who knows, God will send her soon. Or maybe, she's there but wasn’t just recognized by my sight. True enough, I’m here but maybe I wasn’t just recognized. It’s either of the two now.

I’ll never be the same me. Never the same before that relationship. Never the same after the break-up. And never will be the same after I recover. It dawned to me that she was right. There’s always a purpose for everything, be it a blessing or a curse. And yet, these blessings and curses have two faces of perspectives to view from. What’s nice is that we can see everything in the good light and consider them as agents for the better. Maybe, I’d be better this time.

Yup, I easily break down and gave in to tears. Yup, I haven’t moved on even a slightest bit. And yup, maybe I’ll never get to move forward again. Or maybe I can fly the limits of the sky, up away. Now I’m coping and beating the odds.

I think the best way to get even is to recover. The best way to recover is to let go of any expectations. Just hoping that I'm lucky enough to do that. And maybe, just maybe, I'm lucky enough to bounce back...even higher this time insyallah :)

God, grant me the serenity to accept things i can't change, courage to change the things i can and wisdom to know the difference.

I Quit Being Miserable...Period

I don't want to spend anymore of my youth scowling & frowning & whining about things I'll forget tomorrow. It's so easy to be indebted to misery; wake up darling & shake off all this self-entitlement. We can afford to loosen up on grievances.

I...I quit being miserable.
The world keeps spinning even if I don't spin with it.
I...I refuse to be upset over spilled milk & (my) growing thighs, apes disguised as boys in suits, charming smiles & ties.

Human condition says we're destined to be lonely, but maybe I don't want to be a part of this affliction. I'd rather be destined to spend my life inspired.

I don't want to be burdened anymore by the trivial things.

*mata bersinar2...i'm in love with this girl aaaaaaa~~~~~